Like a benign but permanent venereal disease contracted when we were drunk and desperate, Sarah Palin has flared up again. We really thought we’d seen the last of her – we’d been so very good. We quit boozing, quit smoking, exercised regularly, and yet here it is Friday morning and Sarah’s beady eyes are popping up all over our news feeds. And no, we shouldn’t scratch that itch; it’ll only make it worse. But it’s time to face facts, America. We’ve got Sarah Palin, and she’s not going anywhere.
Having been upstaged by Donald Trump in the realm of political WTF-ery, Ms. Palin seems to have reinvented herself as the face of pseudo-political climate change denial. Ya’ll may not remember when Palin compared the science of climate change to eugenics two years ago, but Django remembers.
Well, Django and Pepperidge Farm.
So what has the former almost-one-term Governor of Alaska done this time? She impugned the esteemed honor of Bill Nye, whom the French call l’homme de science.
“Bill Nye is as much a scientist as I am,” Palin said at the Thursday premiere of Climate Hustle (and, oh yeah, we’ll get to what the hell that is in a moment). “He’s a kids’ show actor,” she added. “He’s not a scientist.”
Let’s get this out of the way real quick: Bill Nye is not a scientist. That is 100 percent true. And do you know who has always been the first to admit that? Bill “Mother-Lovin’” Nye.
Mr. Nye is, rather, a “science guy,” a playful nickname that carries over from the days when he did indeed host a kids show that dared to teach kids how the world works. You know, so they wouldn’t grow into adults that said things like feminists “want to invalidate and discredit women who are working hard and raising a family” or that a black president will bring the nation back to “days before the Civil War.”
However, despite Nye’s not being a scientist, his scientific credentials are unimpeachable. The man has a mechanical engineering degree from Cornell, where he was a visiting professor, he holds several patents, he is a renowned science educator and – though I admit the science aspect is flimsy here, it must be said – he’s quite a dancer.
Nye also holds honorary doctorate degrees from Rensselaer Polytechnic Institute, Goucher College and Johns Hopkins.
And, oh yeah, he helped design a sun dial for NASA that’s sitting on Mars right now.
Let’s compare that CV to Sarah Palin, who attended five colleges in the span of six years and graduated with a degree in Communications. She’s also done some work for Fox News, exploited her children for political brownie points, turned the 2008 Republican presidential campaign into a laughingstock and wrote a few sci-fi novels about human-grizzly bear hybrids.
And now Sarah is laying down a diss track for Bill as a way to promote the film, Climate Hustle. Co-produced by Marc Morano, a former Republican aide and founder of the climate skeptic website ClimateDepot.com, the “documentary” posits that man-made global warming is a hoax. (Others have posited that ClimateDepot is a shill for fossil fuel interests, but let’s not get carried away.)
The Guardian recently asked Ms. Palin why she supports the film. She said this:
“I want people to feel empowered to ask questions about what is being fed them from the science community um, that, uh, something’s not making a whole lot of sense when it comes to inconsistent data that’s being produced and being fed especially to our children when it comes to global warming, or climate change. Whatever they’re calling it today.”
In the video, the unflappable Sarah looks like she’s having a hard time choking down the chunks of horse apples she’s trying to serve the public, but maybe I’m not watching it properly. I, unlike the former Vice-Presidential candidate, do not have a Communications degree.
In the interview, Palin goes on to make three statements that are actually more incendiary than her jibe against Mr. Nye: 1) She believes Donald Trump “makes a lot of sense”; 2) She doesn’t “believe” the statistical fact that 97 percent of climate scientists agree that carbon emissions are contributing to global warming; 3) She believes that global warming is a political agenda to stymy development.
In that last point, Palin is absolutely right. The Illuminati have been trying to get Americans to switch to clean, renewable energies for years at the expense of oil and coal development because they’re viciously prejudiced against strokes, pulmonary disease and asthma, all symptoms of smog pollution. Less fossil fuel burning means less smog, and less smog means Beyonce can sing higher notes. That conspiracy is on lock.
But something still seems off about Sarah’s beef with the Science Guy. Why would this intransigent case of public VD suddenly go off on a man so beloved by children and so revered by people who enjoy learning? The Illuminati angle got me thinking about similar beefs in the music industry. For insight, I contacted California hip-hop artist Zaid Tabani, who recently went viral after responding to a public diss. Tabani offered this concise explanation of Palin’s strategy:
“Sarah Palin calling out Bill Nye is like Meek Mill calling out Tupac. At some point with all of the L’s you’ve taken it’d probably be prudent to shut the fuck up, as nobody’s listening to you, and those who are aren’t up to date in the conversation.”
I have nothing to add to that, save this: Ms. Palin, Bill Nye is more a scientist than you will ever be.
There, I’ve scratched the itch. Now let’s bust out some ointment and “change the world,” as Mr. Nye would say.