With a handful of members that is quickly growing to a handful and a half, the Save Our Concrete movement is galvanizing Angelenos to strike back against the green menace that has infested this city.
“Trees are dangerous, bringing unpredictable growth and wildlife to our cities,” said Todd Stevens, an SOC member, during a Tuesday protest at a downtown parking lot. “They simply aren’t doing Los Angeles any good. I moved here to have fun in the sun! But these people keep trying to create more shade with their darned trees. And all the birds in them, with all that chirping and tweeting?! How do you expect anyone to get a decent nap with all that going on?”
The parking lot is scheduled for deconstruction later this year, after which it will be landscaped and planted with yet more trees.
Stevens, like many in SOC, is horrified at the prospect of introducing that kind of element into the City of Angels. “It’s destroying the laid-back Southern California lifestyle we all want,” he said after taking a rip from his inhaler.
Environmental nonprofit TreePeople would later add fuel to the fire when it issued a fierce pro-tree statement in response to the demonstration.
“We urge people to seek out concrete wherever they find it in our city and counteract it with the best solution there is: planting and caring for trees,” said TreePeople founder and president Andy Lipkis. “This is why Save Our Concrete has stated that trees are the enemy. Because they know that once people understand that bringing nature back to cities means we can have more water, cleaner air and cooler temperatures, the more we’ll want concrete to go.”
An admitted haven for tree-huggers, TreePeople has previously courted controversy by replacing playground asphalt with dozens of shade trees at 20th Street Elementary School, encouraging volunteerism in the Angeles National Forest and somehow persuading the Los Angeles City Council to update its water conservation guidelines during a record-breaking drought.
According to Lipkis, trees are actually “a big solution for our water crisis.” By capturing, cleaning and storing water in their alleged root zones, trees retain moisture that would otherwise evaporate off of impermeable concrete. As the chairman of the Senate’s Environment and Public Works Committee, the honorable Jim Inhofe (R-OK) would probably say, “root zones” sound like a lot of bibble-babble.
The U.S. Environmental Protection Agency does say that pavement, asphalt and concrete structures raise daytime temperatures in urban environments by 1.8°F to 5.4°F, but those are just facts backed up by decades of research.
To fight back against TreePeople and LA’s green initiatives, Save Our Concrete is reportedly bussing in protesters from other parts of the country. These “Cement Heads” and “Concrete Huggers” will be descending on the city April 1.
Meanwhile, TreePeople has urged Angelenos to stand up for a more tree-friendly, sustainable community by visiting their website and pledging their support.
Tree spokescreature, The Lorax, was unavailable for comment. When Planet Experts reached out to his office, we were informed that the rhyming embodiment of arboreal integrity has shunned the public eye since 1971. We then visited the far end of town where the Grickle-grass grows to speak to the Once-ler, but he did no more than point to a stone slab etched with the word “Unless.”
To learn more about LA’s dastardly greenery and the SOC movement, visit TreePeople.